This is Why I Hate Men

Oh hey so you know what would probably be a great idea to do…remember that single girl you haven’t talked to in over two months who lives by herself? You should probably go over there at 3 in the morning on a Sunday night for a booty call….that seems like a good idea….she shouldn’t be scared at all…YEAH RIGHT!...what planet do you live on?! Seriously…what the fuck…

This is Why I Hate Hollywood

OK, I’m about to hit you bitches with a movie review…you ready for this? Cause I’m gonna tell you what I really think…here goes..
He’s Just Not That Into You…I decided to rent it from the Redbox outside Giant Eagle…this is what I do when I know my Netflix aren’t coming for a couple days and /or I kinda want to watch a movie I’m reluctant to even admit to Netflix…this is an issue I ave about somethings…sometimes I have to remind myself that when rating movies or claiming to have or have not seen a movie…lying to Netflix benefits me in absolutely no way and there is no one on the other side of the button judging if I really liked Requiem for a Dream or not…that its ok to go ahead and give it 3 stars instead of 4 or 5 because even though I see how it’s technically a very good movie with better plot than most, I don’t like it because now I can’t get blood drawn without thinking of Jared Leto’s arm with that big infected heroin track…or yeah, Citizen Kane is a great movie and changed the way movies are made and I recognize that and appreciate it, but on any given day, I’d really rather watch Mean Girls…it’s much easier for me to admit to movies I like than the movies I know are good and that I like from the side of me that I enjoy well made movies but that I wouldn’t really choose to watch when I’m in the mood to watch a movie and have fun watching it…and I really do enjoy sad, unreslved, and emotionally dissonate endings more than most people…just sometimes movies can be really technically great but I don’t want to watch them…and I have to admit that one of my all time favorite movies, watch it every time it was on cable, and the perfect fare for a hungover morning after a crazy night, is Bring It On: All or Nothing…the one with Hayden Panetierre, Solange Knowles, and the girl from Secret Life of the American Teenager…I freaking love it….
So anyway, I am too embarrased to put He’s Just Not That Into You on my queue…but I rented it tonight from the Redbox so no person has to see that I want to watch this movie…and it was awful and all my shame was completely justified…the movie starts witht the premise that firls are fed lies regarding their interactions with boys from the time they are on the playground, given false hope and taught to interpret indifferent or downright mean behavior as some sign that there’s hope…but then the movie ends with every girl who was relying on that chance, that hope that they were different, that prayer the guy would change for them...all of thse girls get the happy ending of the guy who wouldn’t commit finally wanting to marry them, the random friend being their perfect match, the guy who blatantly says he not interested suddenly realizing she’s the perfect girl…the only ones who don’t get the happy ending are the woman who was already married and ostensibly had her happy ending and the girl who had the guy who every girl wants and was willing to do anything for her just not wanting it with him or being into him, and same said girl with the guy who was married and did end up getting a divorce!...and then at the end they try to pretend that “maybe your happy ending is moving on and being available for something better in the future”…that’s the biggest line of crap I’ve ever heard…you can’t tell me that my happy ending is being happy with myself, BECAUSE THEN I’LL BE OPEN FOR THE REAL HAPPY ENDING…that’s a total contradiction and takes us right back to the starting point of this mess…plus in the end they have all these little clips of interviews and the girls who are alone are all staring off into space “I don’t know…know I can pursue my dream of whatever…it’s better late than never, right?” and “Oh know I can go to Europe because I don’t have a man tying me down so I’m going with my friend” …and all the girls who got their man are all giggly and smiley and can’t stop touching their guy who can’t stop touching them…what absolute fucking bullshit…this is the worst example of the romantic comedy ruining women because it pretends to be a reality check when it’s really just the same formulaic bullshit Hollywood has always shoved down our throats…
The only woman we have ever seen be truly happy on her own… I mean leave a relationship that was ostensibly perfect because she is truly happier on her own… is Samantha Jones…her compromise was being with the man…every other woman’s compromise is being on their own…and I’m not saying there’s something inherently wrong with that…there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and being happier that way, that’s perfectly legitimate and valid and frankly what most people really want and need in their lives…my issue is with the fact that so many things pretend to be about women being happy on their own when their really not…that start out saying it’s okay to be happier on your own than with a man, but you don’t really know what you want, eventually the right guy will come along and you;ll realize you were just putting up a front…
and that’s whats bullshit…that’s the overbearing message of the media: that women don’t really know what they want…they all want a man to sweep them off their feet and rescue them from their life that they’re happy with by showing them that they can be “in love”…we get told over and over again that we need to be happy within ourselves and our own lives, but at the same time being happy is not it’s own reward…it’s simply a means to an end of the greater happiness of being happy with someone…
Is it any wonder so many people validate their existence on their relationship status when people want a relationship are told “be happy with yourself, then a relationship will come”…can you really be happy with yourself when you try to find that happiness because it’s some kind of milestone on the road to coupledom? And is it really hard to see why this is such a hurdle when there are hardly any examples in real life or in fiction that demonstrate a full acceptance of being on their own and truly loving it? The only ones that I can think of right now are Ralph Nader and Samantha Jones…who would have ever thought those two names would be in the same sentence, I know…but it’s true…there was a time I’d have put Mulder and Scully on this list, but we all know that Chris Carter pussied out and gave in to the machine and had them have that baby and be in love in the new movie….PUKE….
And I know it’s human nature to couple up for the basic sake of procreation, but it just pisses me off when people say it’s okay but then actually send the opposite message when you read between the lines…no matter how vast the space between the lines…and so anyway, that’s my basic rage against the movie He’s Just Not That Into You

Wow

You know what would be awesome…if instead of getting your period and bleeding for 4-7 days, confetti shot out of your vagina with a little banner that said “Congratulations! You’re not pregnant!” That’d be a lot more convenient and to the point. Of course it would put the tampon and sanitary napkin industires out of business…but women would be less cranky and we could do it more often…except sometimes it’s a good excuse not to do it…the best would be if it suddenly changed over to confetti and banner and all of woman-kind kept it a secret from men…that’d be sweet…but there’s always those freaks who are into it…I’m specifically thinking of an episode of Californication…but I think if the girl wasn’t into it the guy would relent pretty easily or least feel he had no choice…but who am I kidding if the ideal scenario were true, even if it were supposedly my period I’d do it with Duchovny…and actually I wouldn’t even lie…why would I deny the Duchov?...but present circumstances in tact…it’d be an asnwer to my prayers if I was on the rag, met Duchovny, and he was totally into that…fuck yes…and if he said he wasn’t I’d say…”But Hank Moody is, consider it a character study. You can swim in the red sea just don’t drink the water…don’t worry about it!” Hopefully he’d go for that…p.s. shout out to D. K. for that bit of wisdom and also to B. F. for sharing it with me, even as a member of the female persuasion…

Did You Miss Me?

Well hello there friends! It's been a while but I'm very excited to be back and sharing various rages and observations with you all!! Today is a good day!

Enough with the formality though...I'l tell you what's not good...the fact that I'm 26 years old, almost 27, and males like to behave like 3rd graders...

No, I will not sleep with you because you asked me nicely on Facebook...

No, I will not help you cheat on your wife because you asked me nicely on Facebook...

Asa matter of fact, I will not do anything with you if you insist on Facebook as your main form of communication with me...I hate to say it, but TEXTING is better than this...

And no, I will not sleep/date/help you cheat becasue you asked me nicely in a text message...

I'm flat out sick of these games! I'm too fucking old for this shit! I'm not playing hard to get...as a matter of fact I'm probably the easiest girl in the world to get a date with...all you have to do is say, "I think you are an interesting person and would like to get to know you. May I please have your phone number and call you for a date sometime?"...unless you say this while your girlfriend is in the bathroom of the bar we're at, are looking for a place to hide the severed leg you're holding, or some other creepy shit like that I will most likely at least give you my number so we can talk sometime...

And I'm definitely not interested in chasing you as you play hard to get...this whole concept of men thinking that it's interesting and empowering for women to chase them...no....not true...it's motherfucking annoying as shit...

I'm not playing this I'll comment on your status and "poke" you until you give me your phone number or ask for mine...if you give me your number on facebook and say call if you ever feel like it...guess what, I will NEVER feel like it...I know no one wants to feel like they're up someones ass asking them out, but guess what you're never even gonna get to see my ass if you keep this shit up...

I don't want to hear about how you're shy or intimidated or boo hoo you had your heart broken once...let me cry for your little bitch ass becasue you're the only one in the history of the earth who had a relationship end badly...YOU'RE NOT...and I'm not gonna coddle your ass until your faith in women is restored enough that you're confident to go hit on some skanktron exactly like the girl who hurt you in the first place...

Let's talk like normal people and determine if we're comatible...it's a revolutionary concept I know, but it just might work...

Really, Cavs, this is who we spend money on?

OK, so I will be the first to admit that I don't know shit about basketball ...really I don't, nothing wrong with it, but I am just not into it and don't know who is really a good player, who's over-rated, all that...I don't know...but here's what I do know...

Shaquille O'Neal is making a mockery of himself and the city of Cleveland...I don't care how good he is at basketball, the way he has been acting in the what, 3 months, since he was signed to the Cavs is nothing short of ludicrous...the youtube lipsync video as his "first official reaction", the new reality show, hosting WWE, trying to "drop by" the White House...seriously, is this guy for real?...I can't even handle giving a description of why each of these things is so ridiculous right now, but believe me I could...

To me, this is all just kind of disrespectful to the city of Cleveland...I know he didn't specifically choose to come here, but he's said he's happy to be here, so why not act with a little more dignity than this? When you play for a professional sports team you're a representative of the city, whether that's justified or not that's the way it is...even though the team is actually a private entity, professional sports teams are unique in that they're completely tied to the identity of the city they play in...this is your job, Shaq, you're employed by the Cleveland Cavaliers...any other employer would not be tolerant of you acting in a way that makes the company look foolish, and when you're participating in all these shenanigans it reflects on Cleveland, especially since you're name dropping "my new teammate Lebron" Cavs this, Cavs that, wearing your Cavs jersey on your twitter page, and generally using your status as a player to facilitate these stunts, you can't claim "personal life stay out of it"...it just doesn't work that way...

Not to mention, I can't imagine there's not some clause in your contract that prohibits you from participating in outside activities that produce an unreasonable risk of being injured...which I think reality show challenges and WWE fights most certainly fall into that category...I swear that came up when Roethlisberger got in that motorcycle accident a few years ago...

Honestly, I know people are tired of a lot of LeBron's entitlement and attitude bullshit, which is getting old...and no, I don't count wearing a Yankees cap as a slight to Cleveland...but one thing you can tell is he's not ashamed of Cleveland or Akron..even if he goes somewhere else for more money, it will probably be for just that, money...

And who knows, maybe other players pull this crap too and I don't know anything about it since, like I said, I don't watch basketball...but yeah, that's what I think about that...end of story...

DEFRIENDED!!

So I need to muster up the balls to defriend someone on facebook...and I've defriended people before...but they were people I never actually talked to and they just updated too much...but this person just annoys the shit out of me and makes some comment or instant messages me like everyday...I just don't like him...he's an arrogant, full of himself, know it all, ass...the kind of person when I actually do try to talk to him, just pisses me off more...I can't say anything to him without him trying to one up me or contradict me, or act like he knows whatever I'm talking about better than I do...and when he tries to relate to me it's in such a way that I would want to punch myself in the face if I was actually acting like him...there's no reason I need to let people who make me react this way be part of my life simply for the sake of not being rude...I don't need to tolerate people who anger me just to make them happy, yet I don't want to hurt their feelings...but in a way that just lets them hurt my feelings...or at least give me bad feelings...right?...and I understand that logically, but I still can't reconcile this notion that I owe it to myself to cut these people out of my life with the actions of actually doing it and potentially hurting their feelings in any way...in personal everyday relationships, I DON'T have to talk to people I don't like or make me angry...that's perfectly reasonable...I have a right to not like people, and people have a right to not like me...and I seem to always give in when someone doesn't like me and stops talking to me, and I let the relationship go...with maybe one notable exception...but when someone I don't like likes me, I let it continue...which in a way is worse...but I just don't know how to do it...that's so fucked up...

It's About Time...

I've been kind of cranky today and everything just seems to set me off...So here's a good old-fashioned entry about what's giving me rage...

-- People bitching about how many people are following them on Twitter...there's this thing called "Follow Friday" and you try to get people to follow you or your friends...who really gives a crap?...like unless you're famous who really gives a crap how many followers you have...and by the way if it's less than like 2,000 it's generally unimpressive...like what kind of brag is that "I have 100 followers on twitter" that's like Michael Scott talking about he entertained the guy who entertained a thousand guys...and if you should get someone famous to follow you back...wow watch out, you might get your big break at writing 140 characters at a time because the Matchbox 20 guy follows you?(along with 8,000+ other people -- really you think they go through everyone's tweets everyday and often enough to keep up woth yours?)...and oh yeah, if your number of followers matters to you that much, it's funny how at least 20 of them are robot scam things...anyone can have 47 followers if the don't block the spam accounts...

-- Dumbasses calling their protests "Tea Parties"...I really could care less if you're protesting health care or war or nun-chucks, it doesn't matter to me, go ahead and do it...I encourage it, that's the great thing about America is you can protest if you're liberal or conservative, crazy or perfectly sane...doesn't matter...but for the love of freaking God quit calling them the whatever tea party...it's not taxation without representation and it has nothing to do with the Boston Tea Party, which was only called a tea party because the protest involved actual tea...you're only calling it that to make it seem more noble than an average protest and imply that it has a real historical significance...don't get me wrong, passing universal health care would certainly be history, but 200 people peacefully marching down the street in opposition is not...it's just exercising a right that no one was trying to deny you, it's not a world event...so just quit acting all grand and righteous and stop calling it that...

-- Everyone I meet in the city...I'm seriously beginning to wonder if not needing someone around you 24-7 is a trait you acquire by being raised in the country...or maybe i'm just weird...but I can't freaking handle it...I'm sick of your whiny facebook statuses about being lonely and whiny...it's no fun to eat ice cream by yourself...guess I have to eat dinner on my own...boo fucking hoo...maybe I'd invite you over if it didn't result in a phone call and at least 3 texts everyday for 2 weeks after that...when you don't have anything to say...for fuck's sake...

-- Particular people that I just can't stand to be around or talk to because they act like they know everything or are just so funny and everyone else is a moron...notable examples: most writers, comedians, some musicians, emo kids, hipster/scene kids, people who live in California...just get the fuck over yourself...you're not that great...you're not that smart...shut up please...

Yeah, that's it for right now...lol...End of Story