Really, Cavs, this is who we spend money on?

OK, so I will be the first to admit that I don't know shit about basketball ...really I don't, nothing wrong with it, but I am just not into it and don't know who is really a good player, who's over-rated, all that...I don't know...but here's what I do know...

Shaquille O'Neal is making a mockery of himself and the city of Cleveland...I don't care how good he is at basketball, the way he has been acting in the what, 3 months, since he was signed to the Cavs is nothing short of ludicrous...the youtube lipsync video as his "first official reaction", the new reality show, hosting WWE, trying to "drop by" the White House...seriously, is this guy for real?...I can't even handle giving a description of why each of these things is so ridiculous right now, but believe me I could...

To me, this is all just kind of disrespectful to the city of Cleveland...I know he didn't specifically choose to come here, but he's said he's happy to be here, so why not act with a little more dignity than this? When you play for a professional sports team you're a representative of the city, whether that's justified or not that's the way it is...even though the team is actually a private entity, professional sports teams are unique in that they're completely tied to the identity of the city they play in...this is your job, Shaq, you're employed by the Cleveland Cavaliers...any other employer would not be tolerant of you acting in a way that makes the company look foolish, and when you're participating in all these shenanigans it reflects on Cleveland, especially since you're name dropping "my new teammate Lebron" Cavs this, Cavs that, wearing your Cavs jersey on your twitter page, and generally using your status as a player to facilitate these stunts, you can't claim "personal life stay out of it"...it just doesn't work that way...

Not to mention, I can't imagine there's not some clause in your contract that prohibits you from participating in outside activities that produce an unreasonable risk of being injured...which I think reality show challenges and WWE fights most certainly fall into that category...I swear that came up when Roethlisberger got in that motorcycle accident a few years ago...

Honestly, I know people are tired of a lot of LeBron's entitlement and attitude bullshit, which is getting old...and no, I don't count wearing a Yankees cap as a slight to Cleveland...but one thing you can tell is he's not ashamed of Cleveland or Akron..even if he goes somewhere else for more money, it will probably be for just that, money...

And who knows, maybe other players pull this crap too and I don't know anything about it since, like I said, I don't watch basketball...but yeah, that's what I think about that...end of story...

DEFRIENDED!!

So I need to muster up the balls to defriend someone on facebook...and I've defriended people before...but they were people I never actually talked to and they just updated too much...but this person just annoys the shit out of me and makes some comment or instant messages me like everyday...I just don't like him...he's an arrogant, full of himself, know it all, ass...the kind of person when I actually do try to talk to him, just pisses me off more...I can't say anything to him without him trying to one up me or contradict me, or act like he knows whatever I'm talking about better than I do...and when he tries to relate to me it's in such a way that I would want to punch myself in the face if I was actually acting like him...there's no reason I need to let people who make me react this way be part of my life simply for the sake of not being rude...I don't need to tolerate people who anger me just to make them happy, yet I don't want to hurt their feelings...but in a way that just lets them hurt my feelings...or at least give me bad feelings...right?...and I understand that logically, but I still can't reconcile this notion that I owe it to myself to cut these people out of my life with the actions of actually doing it and potentially hurting their feelings in any way...in personal everyday relationships, I DON'T have to talk to people I don't like or make me angry...that's perfectly reasonable...I have a right to not like people, and people have a right to not like me...and I seem to always give in when someone doesn't like me and stops talking to me, and I let the relationship go...with maybe one notable exception...but when someone I don't like likes me, I let it continue...which in a way is worse...but I just don't know how to do it...that's so fucked up...

It's About Time...

I've been kind of cranky today and everything just seems to set me off...So here's a good old-fashioned entry about what's giving me rage...

-- People bitching about how many people are following them on Twitter...there's this thing called "Follow Friday" and you try to get people to follow you or your friends...who really gives a crap?...like unless you're famous who really gives a crap how many followers you have...and by the way if it's less than like 2,000 it's generally unimpressive...like what kind of brag is that "I have 100 followers on twitter" that's like Michael Scott talking about he entertained the guy who entertained a thousand guys...and if you should get someone famous to follow you back...wow watch out, you might get your big break at writing 140 characters at a time because the Matchbox 20 guy follows you?(along with 8,000+ other people -- really you think they go through everyone's tweets everyday and often enough to keep up woth yours?)...and oh yeah, if your number of followers matters to you that much, it's funny how at least 20 of them are robot scam things...anyone can have 47 followers if the don't block the spam accounts...

-- Dumbasses calling their protests "Tea Parties"...I really could care less if you're protesting health care or war or nun-chucks, it doesn't matter to me, go ahead and do it...I encourage it, that's the great thing about America is you can protest if you're liberal or conservative, crazy or perfectly sane...doesn't matter...but for the love of freaking God quit calling them the whatever tea party...it's not taxation without representation and it has nothing to do with the Boston Tea Party, which was only called a tea party because the protest involved actual tea...you're only calling it that to make it seem more noble than an average protest and imply that it has a real historical significance...don't get me wrong, passing universal health care would certainly be history, but 200 people peacefully marching down the street in opposition is not...it's just exercising a right that no one was trying to deny you, it's not a world event...so just quit acting all grand and righteous and stop calling it that...

-- Everyone I meet in the city...I'm seriously beginning to wonder if not needing someone around you 24-7 is a trait you acquire by being raised in the country...or maybe i'm just weird...but I can't freaking handle it...I'm sick of your whiny facebook statuses about being lonely and whiny...it's no fun to eat ice cream by yourself...guess I have to eat dinner on my own...boo fucking hoo...maybe I'd invite you over if it didn't result in a phone call and at least 3 texts everyday for 2 weeks after that...when you don't have anything to say...for fuck's sake...

-- Particular people that I just can't stand to be around or talk to because they act like they know everything or are just so funny and everyone else is a moron...notable examples: most writers, comedians, some musicians, emo kids, hipster/scene kids, people who live in California...just get the fuck over yourself...you're not that great...you're not that smart...shut up please...

Yeah, that's it for right now...lol...End of Story

The Tennis Court Creeper...

So yeah...Lately I like to sit on my balcony with my laptop and coffee and browse the interwebs and other shenanigans ...well this morning I have witnessed a phenomenon I shall call "The Tennis Court Creeper"

I looked out at all the little animals frolicking in the grass when something on the tennis court caught my eye...it was this man...now it's not unusual to see people out playing the occasional game of tennis or even kids with soccer or basketballs out there goofing around...I have even seen deer get trapped in there on 2 separate occasions...however, this guy was definitely some sort of creeper...the evidence:

A) Only person in sight - now maybe he could have been waiting for his tennis buddy to show up, that wouldn't be unusual...except...

B)Clothing (or lack thereof) - Notice he doesn't have a shirt on...which OK, some dudes get hot and take their shirt off, not unusual...but it's currently 9:00 AM and distinctly NOT hot...I'm actually wearing a hoodie at the moment...well, you say, maybe he's just kind of white trashy and never wears a shirt...no, no, my friends...for one he is very white indicating he has not been doing this all summer and for two, his shirt is actually draped over the net...clearly, he left the house wearing this shirt and then decided to take it off once he got tot he tennis court...well, maybe he went for a run and the tennis court is where he's taking a break...except...

C) Footwear - It's not quite clear in the picture...but he is wearing slide sandals and no socks...no sneakers in sight...either there was no running or he stopped at his apartment and changed shoes then proceeded to come out to the tennis court...ok, that's strange but still kind of plausible, maybe he's still meeting a friend and they only goof off on the court, not play real tennis that would require shoes...except...

D)No tennis racket - even if you're just goofing off you need at least one racket and a ball...which brings me to the final piece of evidence...

E) Behavior - He's been standing in this corner of the tennis court almost exclusively with the occasional walk along the back fence...kind of peering into the tall grass along the outside of the court...maybe he ditched a murder weapon there earlier...I'll have to watch the news for local homicides...

I don't know what his deal is...but he's definitely a creeper...I'm just pretty glad that I'm high enough up that he can't really see me out here and busting out the camera to take a picture of him...lol...maybe I'm kind of a creeper...but if I am at least I use my creeping for entertainment value...not solely to exist as a creeper...

Everyone Knows Everything...

So you know what I find super annoying...how as soon as there is one day that is not like 95 degrees, ten thousand people on facebook start bitching about how it should be warm because of global warming and clearly anyone who believes it is an idiot based on the evidence of a rainy day...OMG, it's July and only 60 because it's raining and cloudy? The theory that the earth is slowly warming at about 1 degree on average per year must be BULLSHIT...it should never be cold again!!...it doesn't matter if you believe it or not, but are you unaware of the fact that we still live in Northeast Ohio and our weather is just batshit crazy to begin with? If any sweeping scientific and political theories are based on the weather in Cleveland, may the good Lord help us all...also, please join me in the many ironies of this disposable Starbucks cup...

Really Jon Gosselin?!

So as most of you know, I have previously expressed my feelings that I had a slight crush on Jon from Jon & Kate plus 8...I think at one point I actually made the statement to someone that I wished he would divorce Kate and marry me...this was like 2 years ago, long before all the shit went down...

So now they're getting divorced and Jon is all over the place in the official douche uniform of Ed Hardy, giant diamond stud earrings, and spiky hair...also dating skanky chicks with arrest records...he went to France to hang out on a boat with Christian Audigier, the maker of Ed Hardy, talking about a children's line...REALLY, Jon?!...it's like after all your bitching about not wanting to be a reality TV star on TLC you're in some warped audition to end up on that new MTV show "Is She Really Going Out With Him?"...and please don't set cute little Aaden, Colin, and Joel on an inevitable road to breaking barriers in the realm of 1st grade douchery...

And is this really the best way to express your contempt for Kate? I know she was all controlling and bitchy and shit, but I thought the saying was "looking good and living well is the best revenge"...not morphing into a walking advertisement for a clothing line that makes it's target demographic (19-yr-olds btw)look like epic douches, much less 30-something year-old fathers of eight! The only one who can pull that look off and be over legal drinking age is Bret Michaels...and he BARELY does...if he didn't have the imported blonde extensions, cowboy hat, guyliner, and army of strippers he wouldn't even come close! The strippers only get away with it becasue they shred the damn shirts so much they barley even constitute clothing and therefore qualify as a work expense...

As for you Mr. Audigier...what would you call this line? Ed Hardy Kids by Christian Audigier by Jon Gosselin with extra input from his Skank of the Week?...maybe you could just change the whole thing to "You've Had Too Much Tequila, Go Home Alone" because that's what college girls realize they should have done when they wake up and see one of your crappy shirts on their floor and fauxhawk grease on their pillow case...give them a better chance and just write it in plain English instead of making them translate while intoxicated...GOSH!

Yeah...I like Kendra..

So you know what famous person I like that most people would probably guess I would hate...Kendra Wilkinson from the Girls Next Door or now Kendra...here's why:

1. She does dumb stuff I would probably do, like touch a real wedding cake thinking it was fake...I think she would be fun hang out with...Holly I would probably just want to punch in the face...

2. Hank is a cool, normal seeming guy...not an epic douche like when Holly was seeing Chris Angel...

3. She has cute dogs

4. She has a stripper pole in her living room too!

5. The other night I had a dream and she was in it...and in the dream I remember we were talking about boob jobs...sorry, boob enhancement...but anyway in my dream Kendra felt my boobs her dead serious assessment was that they were the perfect size right now but I should go ahead and get a reduction then a boob job to make them back to the original size, but they would be fake now and not sag later...

I don't really think I would actually take medical or surgical advice from Kendra...but I still think she's awesome