This morning I was up really early...like 6...and I went out on m balcony and I saw a great blue heron flying...and a crow chasing and dive bombing him...end of story.

Wow...good job random dad...

So I'm currently at the new Dunkin Donuts by my apartment using their free wi-fi and this dad is here with his little girl...she's like super cute and has this curly blond hair...she's gotta be 5 or younger...well instead of making her stand in line with him he sits her up on this counter that they have along the windows...its pretty high up...over the girls head...My immediate thought is...this is a brilliant idea...well he's in line and is yelling across the place to her asking what kind of donut she wants and what she wants to drink...then he starts ordering and happens to order other donuts as well as the one for the girl...she starts flipping out right...cause "DADDY I DON'T WANT JELLY!!! I DON'T WANT JELLY!!!!" and tries to jump off the counter and bangs her head on one of the bar stools...so then she's screaming until she gets her donut...then he gives her two kinds of donuts and she's eating both of them at once...so now his phone rings and he answers and it's apparently his wife/mom...and he goes here say hi to mommy...little girl promptly tells mom she has hit her head and is now eating strawberry and chocolate donuts, hands the phone back to her dad and he's all "no everything's fine, everything's fine she just tripped it's a tiny bump...I only let her have a bite of my donut she doesn't have two of her own"...so he hangs up and says to the girl...next time just say "hi" to mommy ok?!"

New Project...

OK...so here's my new project...I'm going to merge my old livejournal with my blogger...then there will be years worth of entries in one place...it will either be super easy and awesome or drive me crazy...

This is Why I Hate Men

Oh hey so you know what would probably be a great idea to do…remember that single girl you haven’t talked to in over two months who lives by herself? You should probably go over there at 3 in the morning on a Sunday night for a booty call….that seems like a good idea….she shouldn’t be scared at all…YEAH RIGHT!...what planet do you live on?! Seriously…what the fuck…

This is Why I Hate Hollywood

OK, I’m about to hit you bitches with a movie review…you ready for this? Cause I’m gonna tell you what I really think…here goes..
He’s Just Not That Into You…I decided to rent it from the Redbox outside Giant Eagle…this is what I do when I know my Netflix aren’t coming for a couple days and /or I kinda want to watch a movie I’m reluctant to even admit to Netflix…this is an issue I ave about somethings…sometimes I have to remind myself that when rating movies or claiming to have or have not seen a movie…lying to Netflix benefits me in absolutely no way and there is no one on the other side of the button judging if I really liked Requiem for a Dream or not…that its ok to go ahead and give it 3 stars instead of 4 or 5 because even though I see how it’s technically a very good movie with better plot than most, I don’t like it because now I can’t get blood drawn without thinking of Jared Leto’s arm with that big infected heroin track…or yeah, Citizen Kane is a great movie and changed the way movies are made and I recognize that and appreciate it, but on any given day, I’d really rather watch Mean Girls…it’s much easier for me to admit to movies I like than the movies I know are good and that I like from the side of me that I enjoy well made movies but that I wouldn’t really choose to watch when I’m in the mood to watch a movie and have fun watching it…and I really do enjoy sad, unreslved, and emotionally dissonate endings more than most people…just sometimes movies can be really technically great but I don’t want to watch them…and I have to admit that one of my all time favorite movies, watch it every time it was on cable, and the perfect fare for a hungover morning after a crazy night, is Bring It On: All or Nothing…the one with Hayden Panetierre, Solange Knowles, and the girl from Secret Life of the American Teenager…I freaking love it….
So anyway, I am too embarrased to put He’s Just Not That Into You on my queue…but I rented it tonight from the Redbox so no person has to see that I want to watch this movie…and it was awful and all my shame was completely justified…the movie starts witht the premise that firls are fed lies regarding their interactions with boys from the time they are on the playground, given false hope and taught to interpret indifferent or downright mean behavior as some sign that there’s hope…but then the movie ends with every girl who was relying on that chance, that hope that they were different, that prayer the guy would change for them...all of thse girls get the happy ending of the guy who wouldn’t commit finally wanting to marry them, the random friend being their perfect match, the guy who blatantly says he not interested suddenly realizing she’s the perfect girl…the only ones who don’t get the happy ending are the woman who was already married and ostensibly had her happy ending and the girl who had the guy who every girl wants and was willing to do anything for her just not wanting it with him or being into him, and same said girl with the guy who was married and did end up getting a divorce!...and then at the end they try to pretend that “maybe your happy ending is moving on and being available for something better in the future”…that’s the biggest line of crap I’ve ever heard…you can’t tell me that my happy ending is being happy with myself, BECAUSE THEN I’LL BE OPEN FOR THE REAL HAPPY ENDING…that’s a total contradiction and takes us right back to the starting point of this mess…plus in the end they have all these little clips of interviews and the girls who are alone are all staring off into space “I don’t know…know I can pursue my dream of whatever…it’s better late than never, right?” and “Oh know I can go to Europe because I don’t have a man tying me down so I’m going with my friend” …and all the girls who got their man are all giggly and smiley and can’t stop touching their guy who can’t stop touching them…what absolute fucking bullshit…this is the worst example of the romantic comedy ruining women because it pretends to be a reality check when it’s really just the same formulaic bullshit Hollywood has always shoved down our throats…
The only woman we have ever seen be truly happy on her own… I mean leave a relationship that was ostensibly perfect because she is truly happier on her own… is Samantha Jones…her compromise was being with the man…every other woman’s compromise is being on their own…and I’m not saying there’s something inherently wrong with that…there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and being happier that way, that’s perfectly legitimate and valid and frankly what most people really want and need in their lives…my issue is with the fact that so many things pretend to be about women being happy on their own when their really not…that start out saying it’s okay to be happier on your own than with a man, but you don’t really know what you want, eventually the right guy will come along and you;ll realize you were just putting up a front…
and that’s whats bullshit…that’s the overbearing message of the media: that women don’t really know what they want…they all want a man to sweep them off their feet and rescue them from their life that they’re happy with by showing them that they can be “in love”…we get told over and over again that we need to be happy within ourselves and our own lives, but at the same time being happy is not it’s own reward…it’s simply a means to an end of the greater happiness of being happy with someone…
Is it any wonder so many people validate their existence on their relationship status when people want a relationship are told “be happy with yourself, then a relationship will come”…can you really be happy with yourself when you try to find that happiness because it’s some kind of milestone on the road to coupledom? And is it really hard to see why this is such a hurdle when there are hardly any examples in real life or in fiction that demonstrate a full acceptance of being on their own and truly loving it? The only ones that I can think of right now are Ralph Nader and Samantha Jones…who would have ever thought those two names would be in the same sentence, I know…but it’s true…there was a time I’d have put Mulder and Scully on this list, but we all know that Chris Carter pussied out and gave in to the machine and had them have that baby and be in love in the new movie….PUKE….
And I know it’s human nature to couple up for the basic sake of procreation, but it just pisses me off when people say it’s okay but then actually send the opposite message when you read between the lines…no matter how vast the space between the lines…and so anyway, that’s my basic rage against the movie He’s Just Not That Into You

Wow

You know what would be awesome…if instead of getting your period and bleeding for 4-7 days, confetti shot out of your vagina with a little banner that said “Congratulations! You’re not pregnant!” That’d be a lot more convenient and to the point. Of course it would put the tampon and sanitary napkin industires out of business…but women would be less cranky and we could do it more often…except sometimes it’s a good excuse not to do it…the best would be if it suddenly changed over to confetti and banner and all of woman-kind kept it a secret from men…that’d be sweet…but there’s always those freaks who are into it…I’m specifically thinking of an episode of Californication…but I think if the girl wasn’t into it the guy would relent pretty easily or least feel he had no choice…but who am I kidding if the ideal scenario were true, even if it were supposedly my period I’d do it with Duchovny…and actually I wouldn’t even lie…why would I deny the Duchov?...but present circumstances in tact…it’d be an asnwer to my prayers if I was on the rag, met Duchovny, and he was totally into that…fuck yes…and if he said he wasn’t I’d say…”But Hank Moody is, consider it a character study. You can swim in the red sea just don’t drink the water…don’t worry about it!” Hopefully he’d go for that…p.s. shout out to D. K. for that bit of wisdom and also to B. F. for sharing it with me, even as a member of the female persuasion…

Did You Miss Me?

Well hello there friends! It's been a while but I'm very excited to be back and sharing various rages and observations with you all!! Today is a good day!

Enough with the formality though...I'l tell you what's not good...the fact that I'm 26 years old, almost 27, and males like to behave like 3rd graders...

No, I will not sleep with you because you asked me nicely on Facebook...

No, I will not help you cheat on your wife because you asked me nicely on Facebook...

Asa matter of fact, I will not do anything with you if you insist on Facebook as your main form of communication with me...I hate to say it, but TEXTING is better than this...

And no, I will not sleep/date/help you cheat becasue you asked me nicely in a text message...

I'm flat out sick of these games! I'm too fucking old for this shit! I'm not playing hard to get...as a matter of fact I'm probably the easiest girl in the world to get a date with...all you have to do is say, "I think you are an interesting person and would like to get to know you. May I please have your phone number and call you for a date sometime?"...unless you say this while your girlfriend is in the bathroom of the bar we're at, are looking for a place to hide the severed leg you're holding, or some other creepy shit like that I will most likely at least give you my number so we can talk sometime...

And I'm definitely not interested in chasing you as you play hard to get...this whole concept of men thinking that it's interesting and empowering for women to chase them...no....not true...it's motherfucking annoying as shit...

I'm not playing this I'll comment on your status and "poke" you until you give me your phone number or ask for mine...if you give me your number on facebook and say call if you ever feel like it...guess what, I will NEVER feel like it...I know no one wants to feel like they're up someones ass asking them out, but guess what you're never even gonna get to see my ass if you keep this shit up...

I don't want to hear about how you're shy or intimidated or boo hoo you had your heart broken once...let me cry for your little bitch ass becasue you're the only one in the history of the earth who had a relationship end badly...YOU'RE NOT...and I'm not gonna coddle your ass until your faith in women is restored enough that you're confident to go hit on some skanktron exactly like the girl who hurt you in the first place...

Let's talk like normal people and determine if we're comatible...it's a revolutionary concept I know, but it just might work...