So I've kinda laid off the blog for a bit because I was cranky about it for various reasons....I won't get into those, but the point is I'm back bitches!...
SO at work there's a good number of younger kids and high schoolers...well today the one bus boy who's a senior this year was all pumped up because he got his acceptance letter from Kent State...and I got to thinking about when I was applying for colleges...and I always knew I was pretty blase about the whole thing, but I guess it just really hit home today how much I didn't care...or at least how it just seemed like a given that I would go to whatever college I wanted and could afford somehow and that would be that...after I took the SATs and ACTs I was getting 5 or 6 mailers from colleges a day...it was insane...but the thing is, I can't even remember what made me apply to OU...I know I applied to NYU and got accepted, but then I realized that out of state tuition was astronomical, my parents really wanted me to stay in state, and skyscrapers and concrete in Cleveland gave me a terrible terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach (one of MANY things from my youth I can now recognize as what were probably panic attacks...I remember distinctly in 3rd grade losing my folder and it was, no joke, the END of the WORLD...bawling my eyes out because my folder would think I didn't care about it...yeah I know,right...and what would happen to that folder...what if someone threw it away while it was still good...what if someone drew on the horses it had on it...I would never do that, I took good care of my things...and Mrs Crisafulli and my bus driver standing around me asking, "Was it a special folder? Was something special in it?" because they couldn't understand why I was SO upset over this folder...and it was nothing, I was just freaking out because it felt like something bad was going to happen because that folder was mine and now it was suddenly gone...that was just one example...I couldn't go into the stuffed animal section of stores because I felt like those animals felt I was abandoning them, or leaving them to go to some kid who would drag them in the dirt and end up giving them away or destroying them...the same way a lot of people feel going into an animal shelter knowing any animal they don't adopt might be euthanized...that was the feeling I got looking at stuffed animals and I'd cry, not because I didn't get something I wanted, but because I felt those animals were being left to their demise....but anyway, away from the psychosis of my youth and back to college applications)
I applied to Bowling Green because I knew that's where K. Barta had gone...I applied to a place in Indiana called Anderson University because of Gillian Anderson...she didn't go there or anything but, I mean her name was Anderson and I was excited at the prospect of a big hoodie that said "Anderson"... I also applied to Ball State in Indiana because David Letterman went there...ball three of those accepted me too...and then I applied to OU...and for whatever reason one day I just decided to go to OU...I didn't go on one single college visit...I'd already told OU I would be attending before I visited my first time...
But I guess the point of all this is that the crazy thing about me is these big life decisions just happen to me...and now I'm thinking about going back to school...and what I think I want to do is that there's a low-residency MFA program at Bennington College in Vermont that I think would be really awesome...Bret Easton Ellis went to Bennington...he's basically my hero as far as writers go...and it's a solo thing most of the year and then for 2, 10 day periods you stay at Bennington...and honestly, with all the crazy that surrounds where I am in my life right now...as a waitress in a family owned restaurant, would there ever be any better circumstances for me to participate in a program like this?...is there a more flexible job that would allow time for both the independent work AND the time to travel...I don't think so...maybe this is why this all went down the way it did...
but what it all boils down to is I'm finally ready to apply to a college and worry, then, hopefully, celebrate when I get accepted...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment